Singapore National Service: Storeman Role Now Requires PhD In Lost Property.

In a move that has stunned absolutely no one, the Singapore Armed Forces (SAF) has officially confirmed that the role of the Storeman—the mythical custodian of all spare parts and forgotten ration cards—is now a highly classified, three-year postgraduate degree. Recruits, who previously expected to learn how to operate a forklift, are now required to memorise the Dewey Decimal System for spare bolts and recite the lineage of every missing cleaning solvent bottle since 1973.

"This is serious business, steady lah," explained Sergeant Major Poh, polishing a suspiciously pristine can of boot polish. "If you don't know where the *tahan* corner for the Type 89 bayonet is, you think the whole BMT *kena*?"

Sources suggest the final ICT (In-Camp Training) involves a full psychological assessment to determine if the recruit can locate an expired packet of 3-in-1 coffee within 15 seconds. "I tell you, man, I *sabo* my friend last time, hid his entire jungle boot set. Now they make this thing so hard, I also scared go back," lamented ex-NSman, Alex Wee. The Ministry of Defence stated the overhaul ensures operational readiness, even if that readiness means never actually finding the correct drill bit.