Singapore Mountain Biker Spends $20k to Conquer 5-Metre Hill

Singapore’s mountain biking community is celebrating the grand opening of a new “extreme” trail featuring a terrifying two-degree incline.

Local enthusiasts, clad in aerodynamic Lycra that leaves absolutely nothing to the imagination, have descended upon the 400-metre track to justify their five-figure carbon-fibre frames.

The National Parks Board confirmed the route is specifically designed for men undergoing mid-life crises who find walking to the coffee shop too physically demanding.

"Eh, the rock garden damn power sia, I almost scratched my Shimano XTR pedals," remarked local rider Ah Teck, while wiping sweat off his $800 Oakley sunglasses.

"Last time I ride downstairs, but now got this trail, I can finally feel like I’m in the Alps, even though the highest point is just a giant ant hill."

Authorities reminded citizens that screaming "on your left" at a slow-moving monitor lizard does not constitute an Olympic sport.

The trail remains closed on rainy days to prevent the island's only three patches of mud from becoming slightly damp.