Singapore MOE Upgrades Zoom To Include Remote Electric Shocks

Singapore’s Ministry of Education has announced that the “Zoom era” is no longer about learning, but total psychological dominance.

New software will track student eye movements to ensure they aren't distracted by things like joy or sunlight.

"If they blink more than twice a minute, it means they lack discipline," said one MOE official while polishing a ruler.

Parents have installed secondary CCTV cameras to ensure the primary Zoom camera is actually functioning.

"Wah lau, my son think he can hide under table eat biscuit ah?" said local tiger mum, Mrs. Tan.

"I tell him already, if no A* for E-Math, I cut his Wi-Fi and his oxygen."

Experts suggest the blue light is the only thing keeping youth from realizing they haven't seen a tree since 2021.

The ministry confirmed "Technical Difficulties" are now punishable by three years of mandatory coding boot camp.