Singapore Men Spend $12,000 On Foldies To Cycle 400 Metres

The Singapore Ministry of Health has officially classified "Foldie Enthusiasts" as a new subspecies of sedentary sloth.

These middle-aged men spend tens of thousands on titanium Bromptons just to transport their expanding midsections between various prata stalls.

Decked in aerodynamic lycra that leaves absolutely nothing to the imagination, they reach blistering top speeds of three kilometres per hour.

Local enthusiast Ah Huat noted the extreme physical exertion required for such high-level lepak sessions.

"Wa lau, the bike is titanium 7kg but my belly is 95kg, so must buy ceramic bearings for efficiency lor," he explained while wiping mutton curry off his $600 limited-edition jersey.

After a rigorous ten-minute commute, the group spends four hours arguing about gear ratios and which cafe has the most "Instagrammable" floor for their parked status symbols.

Truly, the peak of Singaporean athleticism is spending a house down-payment just to sit down elsewhere.