Singapore Man Trades Only Son for 0.5% Increase in REIT Dividends

A local retail investor has successfully traded his only biological son for a fractional increase in his quarterly REIT payout.

Lim Kopi, 54, reportedly brokered the deal after realising the boy’s tuition fees were aggressively eroding his net Distribution Per Unit.

"Wah lau, the boy every month ask for money, but Mapletree give me money leh," Lim explained while frantically refreshing his brokerage account.

Market analysts suggest this "human-to-equity" swap is the logical conclusion for a nation that treats suburban shopping malls as literal deities of passive income.

"Last time I see my son, I see liability; now I see 6.8% yield plus special dividend, damn shiok sia," he added.

Lim is currently scouting for a second wife to liquidate for a minority stake in a distressed industrial office park.

Neighbours confirmed they weren't shocked, noting that most Singaporeans would sell their own souls if the yield hit double digits.