Singapore Man Retires Early On Cumulative 40-Cent Supermarket Discounts

Singapore’s Ministry of Finance has declared supermarket loyalty points as the nation’s highest-yielding asset class.

Residents are liquidating stock portfolios to reinvest in the "yuu" ecosystem, hoping to retire on three discounted chicken wings.

“Wah lao, I scan barcode and get five cents back immediately, better than Bitcoin!” said local investor Tan Ah Kow.

“Now my portfolio is 40% LinkPoints and 60% Dairy Farm stamps, very steady pom pi pi!”

Financial analysts claim the dopamine rush of saving twelve cents on toilet rolls is the only thing preventing societal collapse.

Temasek Holdings is reportedly considering a hostile takeover of a grandmother’s PAssion card to bolster national reserves.

“Kiasu must be smart, later I redeem one free plastic bag and laugh at all the poor people,” Tan added.