Singapore Man Awarded Second Bag Of Rubbish For Nine-Year Service

In a city where the heat index frequently matches the public’s average blood pressure, bus captain Segar S/O A. Subramaniam has been awarded a second Stomp Goody Bag for nine years of refusing to be a total prick.

The prize, containing a branded notebook and enough vouchers for half a kaya toast, confirms Singapore’s entire flood prevention infrastructure is actually just one 63-year-old man with a collapsible umbrella.

Commuters remain baffled by this rare display of un-incentivised kindness.

"Normally the driver just close door on my face," said Bukit Panjang resident, Lim Lian Huat. "This uncle hold brolly for me, I so scared I almost call police because nobody in Singapore do things for free one."

SMRT management noted that such empathy is a major liability to their "Efficiently Miserable" corporate KPIs.