Singapore IB Students Hospitalised After Accidentally Forming Original Thought

The Ministry of Education has officially reclassified the International Baccalaureate (IB) as a "recreational resort" compared to the state-mandated psychological warfare of the local A-Level curriculum.

Local students, currently surviving on three hours of sleep and the bitter salt of their own tears, expressed outrage at IB peers who claim "stress" over a single 4,000-word essay.

"Wah lau, they write one essay and think they global citizen already?" said Raffles student, Tan Ah Kow, while vibrating from a Grade-A caffeine overdose.

"I mug ten year series until my eyeballs fall out, they just need to 'reflect' on their feelings, sibeh relax sia!"

Meanwhile, an IB student responded while adjusting his tailored blazer and sipping a $12 artisanal kombucha.

"Actually, my Theory of Knowledge presentation on the 'Existentialism of My Father’s Country Club' was quite taxing," he remarked.

The government has promised to bridge the gap by introducing mandatory clinical depression into all IB modules.