Singapore Hikes MediShield Premiums to Discourage Unprofitable Immortality

The Ministry of Health has unveiled a visionary plan to eliminate disease by making MediShield Life premiums more expensive than the actual illnesses.

Authorities believe that if citizens realise a heart attack is less affordable than a private island, they will simply choose to remain healthy through sheer financial terror.

The premium hike is officially categorised as a “lifestyle tax” on the privilege of not being dead yet.

"Siao liao, my premium bill come I almost heart attack, but then I realise cannot afford the attack so I just stay alive lor," said part-time security guard, Lim Kopi.

"Government say they want protect us, but now my wallet got stage four terminal emptiness."

An MOH spokesperson confirmed that the ultimate goal is a 100% healthy population, as anyone who falls sick will be too bankrupt to be officially counted in the census.

Singaporeans are now encouraged to exercise daily to outrun the mounting debt collectors.