Singapore Exports Bottled Sweat Of Michelin-Starred Hawker Uncles

Singapore has finally found a way to bridge its trade deficit by exporting the concentrated essence of its humid food heritage.

The Ministry of Trade and Industry officially launched "Essence of Hawker," a bottled fragrance harvested from the condensation dripping off Maxwell Food Centre’s greasy ceiling.

Each artisanal vial contains a potent mixture of used dishwater, fermented prawn paste, and the silent resentment of a man who hasn't had a holiday since 1974.

“Wah, you see these foreigners so stupid, they pay fifty dollars for one small bottle of my sweat leh,” remarked local laksa vendor, Uncle Lim.

“Last time I wipe my face with dirty towel, now I just squeeze into the bottle, easy money lah!”

Global demand is skyrocketing as hipsters in Brooklyn seek the "authentic aroma" of a man who refuses to wear a shirt while frying noodles.

The government plans to follow up with "Canned Queueing Patience" for countries lacking basic social order.