Singapore Couples Petition SMRT For ‘Dry Humping’ Only Carriages

Singapore’s Transit Authority has officially surrendered to the island’s chronically repressed libido by designating the last carriage of every train as a “Heavy Petting Zone.”

With hotels too expensive and parents always home, local couples have turned the North-South Line into a mobile dungeon of frantic, fully-clothed friction.

Commuters report that the rhythmic screeching of the tracks provides a perfect soundtrack for the awkward fumbling of hands under Uniqlo puffer jackets.

"Eh, hotel very expensive leh, and my mother always stay outside the room like CCTV," complained 24-year-old Bryan Yeo, while clinging to a vertical pole and his girlfriend’s spleen.

"At least in the MRT, if I vibrate, people think is just the train stopping at City Hall lor!"

SMRT management confirmed that the smell of stale sweat and desperation is now officially part of the corporate branding.

However, the authorities warned that any couple caught attempting a "Reverse Cowgirl" during an emergency brake will be fined for obstructing the yellow line.