Singapore Couple Names Newborn ‘Rolex’ To Ensure He’s Always On Time For Tuition

In a desperate bid to manifest a life of luxury, a Jurong West couple has legally named their infant son ‘Patek Philippe Lim.’

The parents claim the name will ensure the boy is never late for his gruelling four-unit-a-week maths tuition.

"Aiya, name him 'Boon Hock' for what? Later people think he stay in longhouse," remarked his mother, Cheryl.

"Now when he walk into primary school, the cher know he not for play-play, he is premium quality one hor!"

Local sociologists suggest this "High-SES branding" is a psychological buffer against the crushing reality of being painfully average.

The trend has seen other infants christened ‘Caviar,’ ‘Michelin-Star,’ and ‘Accredited Investor.’

"Last time we give names for luck, now we give names for market valuation," explained the father, Kevin.

"If he fail PSLE, at least I can still try to sell him on Carousell under 'Brand New With Box' condition lor!"

Government officials have reportedly rejected one father's request to name his newborn daughter ‘Tax Haven.’