Singapore Citizens Risk Decapitation To Prove They Are Relaxing

The Marina Barrage has officially transitioned from a leisure spot into a high-stakes obstacle course where families battle for the last square inch of parched grass.

Thousands of stressed-out professionals gathered this Sunday to engage in the ritual of "lepak," which primarily involves getting their retinas sliced by invisible nylon strings.

The sky was so congested with cheap plastic eagles that authorities have issued a "Level 5 Decapitation Warning" for the downtown area.

"Eh, I come here for healing leh, but why that brat’s Frozen kite keep poking my eye?" shouted one father while bleeding from a rope burn.

Despite the injuries and looming threat of heatstroke, the crowd remained committed to the illusion of leisure.

"Is okay one, my neck bleeding a bit only, but at least got wind right?" remarked another enthusiast as a stray Batman kite garrotted his toddler.