Singapore Birth Rate Drops As Couples Edge To Settlers Of Catan

Singaporean couples are ditching the bedroom for board game cafés, proving that resource management is sexier than actual intimacy.

Experts suggest the thrill of rolling a double-six provides a dopamine hit far superior to awkward fumbling in a Jurong flat.

Relationship therapist Dr. Tan noted that “building a settlement” has become the primary euphemism for a dry spell worse than the Sahara.

“Lover for what? My boyfriend more interested to take my Sheep than take my virginity, sial,” said 24-year-old Cheryl Lim.

The trend has sparked a surge in “Meeple-based fetishes,” where a well-placed road is enough to cause a public nuisance in Dhoby Ghaut.

“Wah lau, I tell her I want to ‘go all night’ and she bring me to play Risk for seven hours,” complained one blue-balled gamer.

The government is now considering banning “Dungeons & Dragons” to prevent the entire population from becoming entirely celibate orc-larpers.