Singapore Banks Now Charging Fees To Prevent You From Having Money

In a bold move to stimulate the nation's economy and promote 'aggressive fiscal discipline,' Singaporean banks have announced a revolutionary new fee structure. Effective immediately, any transaction resulting in a *decrease* in your account balance will now incur a mandatory 'Balance Preservation Surcharge.'

"We are merely aligning incentives," explained a spokesperson for DBS, polishing his Rolex. "Why should a client be rewarded for *spending* money? That’s antithetical to the Singaporean spirit of accumulation."

The surcharge is steep: 0.5% of the transferred amount, or $5, whichever is higher. Furthermore, a monthly 'Inactivity Penalty' will be levied on accounts holding more than S$1 million, as this capital is deemed "too stagnant and unexciting for dynamic fee generation."

One startled hawker, Mr. Tan, was heard muttering, "Aiyah, before I only need to worry about GST increase. Now I kena fee just for having money? Later bank ask me pay for air I breathe in their ATM lobby, I never surprise already, *wah lau eh*." Experts predict this will rapidly accelerate Singapore’s transition to a purely digital, fee-driven existence.