Singapore Army Confirms Midnight Weapon Cleaning More Effective Than Sleep

The Singapore Armed Forces (SAF) has officially declared that the sight of a slightly grey cotton bud is a greater threat to national security than an actual foreign invasion.

Thousands of sleep-deprived recruits were seen at 11:59 PM using industrial-grade sewing needles to lobotomise their SAR-21 rifles in search of mythical carbon deposits.

Defence experts suggest that the "gas regulator" is actually a portal to hell, designed specifically to ruin a nineteen-year-old’s weekend.

"Eh, you think your grandfather house is it? This one still got black stain, go knock it down then clean again until I can see my face inside!" screamed Third Sergeant Tan, who hasn't felt a woman's touch since the 2011 General Election.

Despite rifles being cleaner than a billionaire’s tax records, the platoon was forced to "stand by weapon" while contemplating the sweet release of a medical down-pes.

"Lanjiao lah, I use my saliva and my sweat also cannot find the carbon, but the Sergeant use one look only can find," sobbed Recruit Lim, currently hallucinating that his rifle is his mother.

The SAF maintains that weapon cleaning builds character, or at least, a very specific type of homicidal insanity.