Singapore Abolishes Streaming So Elitist Parents Must Judge Manually

The Ministry of Education has officially abolished streaming, finally ending the decades-old tradition of branding eleven-year-olds as "future failures" or "overworked surgeons."

This radical shift towards Full Subject-Based Banding aims to hide the obvious intellectual chasm between students behind a wall of confusing, soul-crushing bureaucratic acronyms.

Without the "Express" label, elitist parents are reportedly suffering from severe withdrawal symptoms, unable to flex their child's superiority during awkward family gatherings.

"Wah lau, if no more Normal Tech, then how I know which neighbour kid to tell my son not to play with?" asked local mother Mavis Tan while clutching a 500-page assessment book.

Education experts warn that removing labels might accidentally trick students into believing they have human value beyond their national exam scores.

However, the government reassured citizens that the social hierarchy remains perfectly intact; they have simply made the ladder invisible to prevent lower-tier parents from crying too loudly in public.