SIA Third Place Ranking Triggers National Day Of Mourning

The Republic of Singapore has declared a week-long period of national mourning after Singapore Airlines was relegated to a humiliating third place globally.

Flags across the island were lowered to half-mast as citizens struggled to process the trauma of being outperformed by Qatar and Hong Kong.

“How can like that? We give them Book the Cook and they still give us bronze medal, damn kelong man,” grumbled one frequent flyer while stuffing First Class salt shakers into his briefcase.

A distraught airline boss was seen weeping into a bowl of premium laksa, questioning if the stewardesses' kebaya batik patterns were a millimetre off-centre.

Meanwhile, Scoot’s fifth-place ranking was celebrated as a miracle, considering the airline usually charges passengers for the privilege of oxygen.