"Shut The Fuck Up And Breathe," NEA Tells Haze-Choked Singaporeans.

The National Environment Agency has officially advised Singaporeans to stop being "total pussies" regarding the pungent aroma of charred Johor shrubbery currently infiltrating their homes.

In a statement that definitely isn’t gaslighting the entire population, the agency clarified that the smell of incinerated forest is actually a limited-edition "Rustic Campfire" sensory experience.

"Lungs are very sensitive for what? PSI only 65 what, haven't die yet right?" asked NEA spokesperson, Lim Beh Kong.

"This one is free aromatherapy from our neighbours, if you complain, it means you are not a resilient citizen, CCB."

Residents in Punggol have reportedly started hanging their laundry outside to give their Uniqlo shirts a "smoky, masculine, and slightly toxic" finish.

The government remains confident that the haze will clear once the wind remembers which country has the stronger currency.