Shell To Accept Human Organs As Payment For Premium Diesel

With 95-octane hitting record highs, Singaporeans are officially entering the "sell your grandmother’s gold teeth" era of transport.

Shell’s $4.43 diesel has become so prohibitively expensive that petrol stations are now classified as high-end luxury boutiques.

PM Lawrence Wong promised to "cushion the impact," which most Sinkies assume means providing a literal pillow to bite on while oil cartels penetrate our bank accounts without lube.

The nine-day price drop was reportedly just a "tactical recharge" to ensure motorists had enough blood left for the next harvest.

At these rates, local drivers admit it is actually cheaper to hire four interns to carry their car to work like a royal carriage.

Honestly, just snort the fumes and die lah.