Shell Celebrates Record-Breaking 5-Day Streak Of Bleeding Singaporeans Dry

Shell has been hailed as a pioneer of financial sadism after leading Singaporean fuel price hikes for five consecutive days.

The petroleum giant successfully "inspired" Esso and Caltex to join their noble crusade of transforming diesel into a luxury liquid.

While global oil prices actually dipped, Shell executives reportedly concluded that local drivers still possessed too much leftover dignity and disposable income.

"Wah lau, five days increase price? This one not fuel pump, this one is blood donation drive," said local driver Beng Soon.

"Now I must decide whether to pump full tank or let my children eat dinner, very difficult leh."

Government officials confirmed that Singaporeans should brace for a "bumpier ride," though citizens noted the bumps are just their empty wallets hitting the floor.