SG Couple Replaces Sex With Competitive BTO Queue Refreshing

In a desperate bid to secure a 4-room flat in Toa Payoh, local couple Marcus and Cheryl have officially replaced their sex life with a high-stakes clicking marathon.

The pair reportedly spent Valentine's Day staring at a loading bar, claiming that the rush of a low ballot number is "far more explosive than any orgasm."

HDB strategist Dr. Lim noted that the "BTO-induced celibacy" trend is skyrocketing as couples find the HDB portal more stimulating than actual physical intimacy.

"Liddat lor, sex can wait but if Tengah sold out then how?" Cheryl remarked while frantically refreshing three MacBooks simultaneously.

Rumours suggest Marcus is considering selling a kidney to bump his priority status, though Cheryl insists his "useless sperm" isn't worth a balcony view.

"Wah lau, the website lag again, I swear if we get Jurong West I go die," Marcus added while weeping.

The wedding is postponed until they secure a floor plan that doesn't face a bin centre.