SFA Recalls Pineapples For Giving Sinkies Too Much Personality

The Singapore Food Agency has officially banned the only exciting thing to happen to local snacks this year by recalling Tai Sun’s sulphur-soaked dried pineapples.

The agency cited 'allergic reactions' like hives and vomiting, failing to realise that a violent skin rash is the closest most corporate desk-jockeys get to a luxury spa treatment.

'Wah lau, I eat already then my stomach start to boom-ba-bi-bum,' complained local uncle Tan Ah Kow.

'I thought got new premium flavour, but actually is just industrial preservative. Taste like success, sia!'

Despite the recall, thousands are reportedly still hunting for the toxic fruit, desperate for any physical sensation that isn’t soul-crushing boredom.

Authorities advise avoiding the snack unless you enjoy your internal organs performing a chaotic Broadway musical.