Sentosa Python Suing For Trauma After Swallowing Entitled Property Mogul

A three-metre reticulated python at Sentosa Golf Club has filed for trauma leave after accidentally consuming a retired CEO on the 14th hole.

The snake, named ‘Long Long’ by terrified groundskeepers, reportedly suffered from severe indigestion and a sudden, inexplicable urge to shout at waitstaff.

“Walao, I tell you ah, the taste was damn sian one,” the reptile hissed via a professional translator.

“One bite only and I start feeling like I need to buy more luxury watches and complain about the GST.”

Wildlife experts suggest that the high concentration of Botox and unearned confidence in Singapore’s elite is becoming toxic to the local ecosystem.

Management has since issued a warning that snakes are now the only members allowed to use the bunkers, as they possess more charisma than the average VIP.

“Last time I swallow rat, I feel okay, but this one? Siao liao, my stomach also want to write complain letter to MP already,” the python added.