SAF Promotes Wild Boars to Warrant Officers for Superior Discipline

The Singapore Armed Forces has officially promoted a sounder of wild boars to the rank of First Warrant Officer after they demonstrated superior camouflage skills compared to Gen Z recruits.

Ministry of Defence officials noted that the boars exhibited significantly less "strawberry" behaviour, refusing to request air-conditioned tents or "healing sessions" during route marches.

"Siao eh, these pigs really sibei onz, carry full pack also never complain," remarked Corporal Liew, who was recently outrun by a tusked sow during a drill.

"I see one boar do leopard crawl better than my whole section, then he still can give me one kind of look like I am recruit only."

The SAF plans to replace all PES C clerks with macaques, citing their natural ability to screech at subordinates without needing a lunchtime nap.

This strategic shift ensures that the only things crying in the jungle are the humans.