Privileged Singaporean Teens Rebrand Basic Manual Labour As ‘Sustainability Outreach’

Singaporean secondary school students have successfully rebranded "picking up your own damn trash" and "turning off a light switch" as a revolutionary global environmental movement.

Ignatius Tang, 16, lead visionary of Project SEAL, discovered that if you put a cool acronym on cleaning the floor, you can trick high-SES students into acting like functional human beings.

"Wah lau, last time I thought the tables clean themselves by magic one," said Ignatius while staring intensely at a discarded bubble tea cup.

The programme also involves planting rice for five months, an activity specifically designed to remind children of the peasantry their ancestors escaped three generations ago.

"I plant one grain only then I backache already, damn shag sia," complained 15-year-old Mon Myat.

"If I don't win this Switzerland trip, I’m never touching dirt again, swear to God."