Pastry Chef Realizes Orchard Road Customers Are Way Too Fucking Annoying

Former Noma protege Mohamed Al-Matin has successfully downgraded from a swish Ion Orchard patisserie to a 400-square-foot cupboard in South Buona Vista.

The new shop, Le Matin Petit, offers a revolutionary "standing only" experience for people who enjoy paying $18 for sandwiches while developing varicose veins.

After escaping corporate partners who expected annoying things like “seating” and “consistent hours,” Matin has embraced the humble aesthetic of sweating near a longkang.

The chef announced his famous pastries will only be available on weekends, because baking on a Wednesday is for losers who still have hope.

Discerning foodies are already queuing to inhale bus exhaust fumes while trying to find the “nuance” in a croissant served in thirty-degree heat.