NParks Uses Tactical Nets To Kidnap Singapore’s Flying Rats

The National Parks Board has officially upgraded its bird-cleansing program from “stern glares” to “tactical abduction” after deploying net launchers in Marsiling.

The high-stakes ambush involves luring unsuspecting pigeons with free food—a strategy NParks admits was stolen from government recruitment drives for low-wage workers.

Once the net drops, the birds are swiftly tossed into cages, presumably to be re-educated in a high-security facility about the dangers of pooping on government-approved pavement.

“Wah lau, like SWAT team sia, one shot everything catch!” shouted one bystander.

“Next time use the net on those people who never return tray can or not? More useful leh!”

Authorities confirmed that while netizens are “split,” the pigeons are mostly “traumatized,” ensuring Singapore’s concrete remains soullessly perfect.