NParks Evicts Low-Income Squirrels For Luxury Hornbill Nesting Suites

The annual hornbill nesting season has officially begun, triggering a nationwide surge in avian entitlement and state-sanctioned domestic abuse.

As male hornbills scout for the perfect hollow, NParks has reportedly cleared out entire colonies of "peasant-tier" mynahs to ensure these elite birds have sufficient privacy for their ritualistic imprisonment of females.

The species, known for sealing their wives behind walls of mud and faeces for months, has been hailed as a "shining role model for traditional family values" by local conservative groups.

"Eh, this bird really think he high-SES sia, want GCB view but only pay with one small lizard," complained local birdwatcher, Uncle Lim.

"My wife see the hornbill get new house, she start scolding me why I still stay in rental flat, damn sian."

Biologists warn that nesting hornbills have become increasingly aggressive, frequently dive-bombing any resident whose haircut looks cheaper than their beak.

Meanwhile, the sealed-in females have reportedly started a podcast about "toxic nesting culture" through a small breathing hole in the tree.