National Service Singapore: Guards Now Trained to Stare Down Empty Gates

The Ministry of Defence (MINDEF) has announced a revolutionary new doctrine for guarding checkpoints: "Proactive Inaction." Recruits, or "sharks," are now spending 90% of their 24-month BMT/vocational training staring intently at the air three feet in front of an unoccupied guard post.

"We used to waste valuable manpower looking for actual intruders," explained Major Derek Tan, polishing a section of the gate that hadn't seen sunlight since 1998. "Now, we train them to detect phantom threats. It’s about mental fortitude, lah."

One recruit, Private Kenji Soh, confirmed the efficacy: "Confirm plus chop, my eyes damn sore. I already memorised the exact pattern of moss growing on the concrete. If terrorist come, I sure see him... maybe."

Critics suggest this policy is merely a cost-saving measure to avoid paying overtime for guards who might actually have to *do* something. MINDEF dismisses this, stating the sheer monotony is the ultimate test of Singapore's preparedness. "If you can stare at nothing for eight hours without complaining about your $300 allowance, you can defend Singapore," a spokesperson concluded.