National Service Reunions Now Mandatory Psychological Warfare Against Civilians

The mandatory biannual ritual known as the ‘Unit Catch-Up’—where past and present servicemen are forced to relive their BMT glory days by sharing vague, overly-sanitised anecdotes—has reached peak absurdity. This year’s theme, “Finding Your Inner Sergeant,” saw Commanding Officers demanding recruits recount their most ‘character-building’ moment, with bonus points for mentioning any food consumed while standing at attention.

Recruit Mark Koh, now a mid-level compliance officer, recounted his trauma: “*Aiyo, this one time, my Platoon Sergeant say must ‘feel the mud’ with my whole face. I tell you, my boss now think I’m damn hardworking ’cause I always stare at the floor tiles like that.*”

Experts confirm the catch-ups are crucial for maintaining the illusion that two years spent cleaning rifle barrels translates to superior leadership skills in civil society. One Ministry of Defence spokesperson stated, “*If they don’t talk about the char kway teow they ate during FTX, how will the next batch know the true meaning of sacrifice, man?*” Failure to participate results in a compulsory session reviewing the merits of an extra 50 push-ups.