Nation Risks Salmonella To Consume Room-Temperature Fetal Egg Sludge

Singaporeans have once again proven that their digestive tracts are significantly more resilient than their national resolve.

Every morning, thousands gather at humid kopitiams to perform the sacred rite of turning perfectly good bread into soggy charcoal.

The ritual involves smashing two undercooked eggs into a saucer until they resemble a biohazard spill from a nearby laboratory.

"If the egg white still looks like a runny nose, it means it's perfect," said local resident Tan Ah Kow, while aggressively shaking white pepper into his bowl.

"You must put so much soy sauce until you cannot see the yolk, if not then no taste one lah!"

This masochistic display is usually accompanied by Kopi-O, a beverage brewed with enough sugar to induce instant organ failure.

Despite the 90% humidity, citizens insist on drinking boiling caffeine while seated on plastic chairs that have existed since the British surrender.

"Wah lau, you don't know how to eat then don't come kopitiam, go Starbucks be a basic bitch lah," remarked one auntie.