MINDEF Deploys Death Squads for Singapore NS Pocket-Hands Violations

The Ministry of Defence has today announced a "Zero Tolerance" policy regarding the archaic regulation prohibiting soldiers from placing hands in pockets.

Despite the rule being ignored since the Fall of Singapore, General Staff have authorised immediate summary executions for any recruit caught "acting like a civilian."

"You think your pocket is what? Your mother’s handbag ah?" shouted Lieutenant-Colonel Tan, foaming at the mouth while brandishing a ceremonial sword.

New protocols also mandate that soldiers must maintain a 45-degree arm swing even while defecating, to ensure maximum regimental discipline.

"Last time I put hand in pocket, my Sergeant Major nearly heart attack," remarked Corporal Liew, who is currently hiding in a toilet cubicle to check his Tinder.

"Now even if I itchy also I don't dare to scratch, later they say I trying to find my kopek then sign extra until I die."

Officials confirmed that the "no walking while eating" rule will now be enforced by attack drones programmed to detect stray crumbs.