MINDEF Admits Singapore National Service Actually $2 Billion Social Experiment In Misery

In a shocking reveal that surprised absolutely no one with a functioning brain, MINDEF has finally admitted that Singapore’s National Service is not a defence strategy, but a multi-billion dollar social experiment to test the limits of human Stockholm Syndrome.

"You think we really need 18-year-olds to guard a fence in Tekong? Wake up lah!" chuckled BG Lim. "We just want to see how long can one recruit 'diam' in the sun before he start seeing 7-Eleven in the clouds. It’s for science, okay?"

The ministry confirmed that 'Area Cleaning' is actually a psychological study on collective OCD, while the 24km route march is a data-gathering exercise on how many blisters it takes to make a man 'kena mental'.

"The SAR-21? Empty one, brother," whispered a CWO. "We just want to see if you will 'wayang' and 'chao keng' your way to a PES F. Every time I say 'semula', I just want to see your face go 'siao'. Very entertaining to watch, I tell you!"