Mandai Wildlife Reserve Finally Admits Animals Are Just Decor For Food Court

The Mandai Wildlife Group has officially completed its transition from a conservation site to a glorified open-concept canteen for people who find the outdoors "a bit too humid."

The newly opened 600-seat Food Republic ensures that visitors can now enjoy the scent of sambal stingray while staring at depressed tapirs through triple-glazed glass.

"Wah lau, last time come here must walk until leg pain to see bird, now can just sit down and drink Chicha San Chen," remarked local visitor Darren Teo.

Meanwhile, in Lentor, residents are celebrating the arrival of $48 Wagyu bowls, proving that no Singaporean enclave is truly complete without an overpriced mall that looks exactly like the one they just left.

By 2030, experts predict the entire island will simply be one continuous, interconnected food court with some decorative ferns.