Man Calls Police Because Seniors Are Having Too Much Fun

A Clementi resident has officially surrendered his last remaining brain cell after calling the police on a group of seniors for the heinous crime of “playing a sport.”

The complainant, who clearly views any sign of human joy as a personal attack, claimed the “pok pok pok” sound of pickleball was equivalent to a full-scale construction site.

“It’s like incessant drilling!” the man sobbed, while ignoring the fact that his own personality is equally grating to everyone in the estate.

In a masterclass of uselessness, the Town Council suggested players use “quieter equipment,” presumably paddles made of condensed sadness and foam balls that don’t offend the weak.

Authorities confirmed that while being a miserable cunt isn't illegal yet, the resident is making a very strong case for it.