Man Asks SPF For Written Permission To Punch Pervert Touching Girlfriend

A foreign netizen is currently awaiting a three-to-five business day response from the authorities after inquiring if he is legally allowed to deliver a single, non-lethal slap to a man actively molesting his girlfriend.

The viral Reddit thread quickly devolved into a high-stakes legal seminar, with local experts explaining that Singapore’s “proportionate force” laws require a choreographed sequence of polite verbal warnings and a formal PowerPoint presentation before any physical contact occurs.

“Wah lau, you cannot simply go and whack people one lah,” said local bystander Tan Ah Teck.

“Standard procedure is you must first ask him, ‘Eh hello uncle, can you please stop grabbing my girl’s waist? If not, I will be forced to give you one very light, respectful nudge on the shoulder.’”

Police remind the public that unless the offender is actively wielding a tactical nuke, throwing a punch is considered “excessive” and will result in the boyfriend being jailed, caned, and billed for the molester’s medical check-up.