Man, 25, Successfully Retires After Marrying 55-Year-Old Walking ATM

Liu Yuchen, 25, has officially peaked as a species after securing a $9.3 million retirement package disguised as a marriage certificate.

Beauty tycoon Yu Wenhong, 55, confirmed that her sixth husband was a “total steal,” mostly because he costs less than her previous tax evasion settlement.

“I never planned for this life, but when a rich woman offers you a Rolls-Royce to look past her leathery aesthetic, you shut up and say ‘I do’,” Liu explained while refreshing his bank balance.

Yu’s business involves injecting clients with their own serum, which is a perfect metaphor for how she sucks the life out of young boys before discarding them like used tissue paper.

Critics calling it a "shameful transaction" are clearly just salty they haven’t found a sugar mummy with a terminal case of loneliness.

Financial experts now recommend "marrying a desperate billionaire" as the only viable way to survive the 21st century without working a single goddamn day.