Malaysian Man Speedruns Death Penalty With 14kg Heroin Delivery

A 29-year-old Malaysian motorcyclist has successfully qualified for Singapore’s most exclusive government-funded vertical drop experience after attempting to smuggle 14kg of heroin through Tuas Checkpoint.

The suspect apparently believed that a standard motorcycle box was a foolproof cloaking device for $2 million worth of narcotics, proving that common sense was the only thing not being smuggled.

“Siao eh, he think the ICA officer blind one is it?” asked one Grab rider at the scene.

“14kg of powder somemore; I cannot even bring two sticks of cigarettes from JB without shivering, this guy really want to jump queue to meet the hangman.”

CNB officials confirmed the suspect will now receive a permanent, state-sponsored escape from his motorcycle installments.