Malaysian Biker Speedruns Death Penalty With 14kg Tuas Heroin

In a heartwarming display of cross-border generosity, a 29-year-old Malaysian man attempted to single-handedly solve Singapore’s chronic stress by delivering 14kg of heroin through Tuas Checkpoint.

The haul, which includes enough ‘Ice’ to refrigerate the collective ego of Orchard Road, has earned the biker a VIP invitation to the most exclusive rope-pulling ceremony in Changi.

ICA officers were reportedly impressed by the motorcycle's suspension, which was heroically struggling under the literal weight of a thousand death warrants.

“Wah lau, this guy really want to jump queue for the gallows ah?” commented a Grab rider witnessing the arrest.

Meanwhile, a Singaporean at Woodlands was caught with 81g of cannabis in his groin, proving some Sinkies take “high-waisted” fashion way too seriously.