Lancer Driver Thinks Loud Exhaust Will Finally Make Him Fuckable

An area man spent $30,000 to transform his aging Mitsubishi Lancer into a mobile cry for help that sounds like a terrorist attack.

The vehicle, emitting explosive pops and sparks, was engineered to signal the driver’s desperate need for female attention and a paternal hug.

While the owner believed the exhaust made him a street-racing protagonist, residents confirmed he was just a "low-SES cb kia" with a fragile ego.

"Every night also boom boom boom, like his grandfather’s road," said one sleep-deprived resident.

"If he want sparks, he should go light his own backside on fire lah, knn."

LTA reminded the driver that loud cars and expired road tax cannot compensate for a microscopic personality.