Kidnapper Demands Ransom For Relatives You Already Fucking Burned

In a bold career move for criminals too lazy to kidnap living children, thieves are now holding jars of human dust hostage.

The suspect allegedly contacted families via WhatsApp, threatening to turn Great-Grandpa into DIY cement mix if the ransom isn't paid by midnight.

While normal kidnappers have to deal with crying victims, this genius realized that ashes don’t scream or require expensive meal prep.

Kiasu Singaporeans are reportedly monitoring the situation, wondering if they can finally outsource their filial piety to a guy with a burner phone.

"It’s a brilliant business model," said one local man, "since dead relatives are much easier to shove into a GrabCar without any complaints."

Authorities warn that if you don't pay up, your ancestors might end up being used as a very illegal seasoning for some roadside laksa.