Ivy League MP tells Singaporeans their degrees are expensive napkins

Member of Parliament Jamus Lim has confirmed the nation's worst fears by announcing that Singaporean degrees are essentially decorative placemats.

The Harvard-educated scholar argued that academic excellence is “incomplete,” suggesting that a lifetime of competitive exam-shitting is no match for actual labour.

Lim’s proposal for a national on-the-job training scheme aims to save the youth from being “hollowed out” by AI, a technology far more efficient at memorising facts than any local scholar.

“Liddat my First Class Honours for what? Use to dabao economic rice is it?” asked 24-year-old Bryan Tan, who spent $40,000 to learn how to make PowerPoint slides.

The plan ensures that instead of rotting in lecture halls, the next generation can finally learn useful skills, like pretending to work until the boss leaves.