Italian CBs Steal Bond Girl’s Millions To Buy Fucking Olives

Italian authorities have seized €20 million in assets from Ursula Andress’s financial managers, who heroically decided a 90-year-old woman had "too much fucking money."

The embezzled funds were spent on Tuscan vineyards and olive groves, proving that high-end theft requires a sophisticated palate and a love for extra virgin oils.

While Andress was busy being a cinematic icon, her managers were conducting a "progressive depletion" of her assets, proving the most dangerous Bond villains wear suits and carry calculators.

"Wah lau, steal $30 million just to buy olives? This one high-SES stupid is it?" asked local resident Jerry Seah.

"If I got that money, I open ten prawn mee stalls and retire already, no need to wait for Italian police to catch my kope-ing backside."

Experts suggest that the best way to avoid being scammed at 90 is to spend every cent on 4D and bubble tea before your managers can get to it.