IKEA Declared National Training Centre For Professional Competitive Lepaking

IKEA Singapore has officially been reclassified as a high-performance sports institute for the nation’s elite "lepak" athletes.

Thousands of professional loiterers descend daily upon the Alexandra showroom to engage in rigorous "stress-testing" of the EKTORP range.

These high-level competitors maintain a strict diet of Swedish meatballs, which scientists claim provides the necessary sodium to enter a 12-hour vegetative state.

"Eh, I come here 8am wait for door open one leh, must secure the best L-shape sofa or not no feel," commented local enthusiast, Tan Ah Kow.

Management is considering a "pay-per-drool" model, though experts fear this might infringe upon the fundamental Singaporean right to colonise public upholstery like a fungus.

"The meatball very power, eat already can sleep through five screaming toddlers and a furniture assembly demo," said regular visitor, Mrs. Lim.

The government is reportedly considering a "Sofa-Sitter Grant" to ensure no IKEA showroom remains unoccupied for more than three seconds.