“Getting Blasted By A Missile Is Not Our Problem,” Insurers Confirm.

Local insurance giants have clarified that while your policy covers a $50 claim for diarrhea, it definitely doesn’t cover being vaporized by a long-range ballistic missile.

“We offer peace of mind, not survival of a literal war zone,” explained one CEO while sipping a latte paid for by your unclaimable premiums.

Stranded Singaporeans in Dubai are reportedly furious that their ‘Super Premier Gold’ plan doesn't include a private mercenary extraction or a bulletproof Grab hitch back to Changi.

The General Insurance Association reminded travelers that war is “unpredictable,” much like a Sinkie’s ability to actually read the fucking fine print before booking a holiday in a crater.

Authorities suggest that if you wanted to survive a drone strike, you should have paid for the ‘Don’t Die’ rider.