Geneticists Confirm All Singaporean Women Are Now One Lululemon Clone

Singapore is facing a biological crisis as geneticists confirm that 98% of local females have successfully merged into a single, beige-toned consciousness.

The Ministry of Health has warned that the sheer volume of Gentle Woman canvas totes is now dense enough to affect the Earth’s gravitational pull.

Experts believe the mutation began when a sentient iced oat milk latte achieved total brain-parasite status inside a Tiong Bahru boutique.

"Siao liao, I go Orchard Road right, I see ten girls all wear same flare leggings and carry same bag, I thought I tripping on cough syrup," said witness, Tan Ah Huat.

The government is considering a national mandate to force at least one woman per district to wear a colour that isn't 'Dusty Rose' or 'Oatmeal'.

"I cannot tahan already, my girlfriend say she very 'aesthetic' but her IG feed just 400 photos of her backside in Pilates class," complained victim, Marcus Lim.

If this basicness continues, Singapore will be legally renamed 'The Republic of Owala' by 2025.