“Gamers-First” Mario Movie Perfect For Adults With Toddler Brains

The newly released Super Mario Galaxy movie is being hailed as a "gamers-first" masterpiece, which is just industry code for "we didn't bother writing a fucking script."

Directors confirmed the plot follows the gameplay so closely that the audience is required to stare blankly at the screen while their dopamine receptors are pounded into submission by primary colors.

Local Nintendo fanboys are reportedly "roaring with recognition," finally feeling seen as grown men who still find joy in watching a middle-aged plumber jump on turtles.

“It’s a cinematic triumph,” said one 40-year-old Sinkie who hasn't seen natural sunlight since the original Wii release.

“Who needs a coherent story when you have Chris Pratt making high-pitched plumber noises for 98 minutes?”

The star-shaped Lumas provide the perfect high-pitched soundtrack for a generation that has successfully replaced real human connection with plastic figurines.