Fitbit Folds After Realizing Sinkies Only Walk For NTUC Vouchers

Fitbit Singapore has officially entered voluntary liquidation after 11 years of realizing that no amount of technology can fix a nation of sedentary, bubble-tea-addicted losers.

The company, which was acquired by Google for billions, reportedly gave up after data confirmed that the average Singaporean only hits 10,000 steps when there’s a $5 Health Promotion Board voucher on the line.

"We tracked millions of 'active minutes' that were clearly just middle-aged men vigorously shaking their wrists to avoid talking to their wives," said a spokesperson while packing up the office.

Google plans to integrate the remaining tech into a new device that simply screams "GET UP YOU FAT FUCK" every time a user sits at their desk for more than twelve hours.

Existing users can continue to use their devices to monitor the exact moment their heart gives out from overwork and sodium-induced hypertension.

The liquidation marks a grim end for a brand that thought it could compete with the allure of a $2 McChicken and a Grab ride to the lift lobby.