Fire Disco Return Triggers Mass Outbreak Of Singaporean Slipped Discs

The announcement that legendary 90s nightclub Fire Disco is returning for a one-night stand has triggered a state of emergency across Singapore’s geriatric wards.

Orthopaedic surgeons are bracing for a catastrophic influx of "retro-induced" hip fractures as thousands of 50-year-olds attempt to grind to Eurodance.

"Wah lau, I must go, my youth is there leh!" says local auntie Linda Lim, currently squeezing into a neon PVC skirt while her husband looks for his blood pressure pills.

"Last time I chiong there every night, now I just pray the bass don't make my pacemaker skip beat."

Club Vox has reportedly replaced the strobe lights with high-intensity heat lamps to help soothe the inevitable onset of rigor mortis on the dancefloor.